Over the past week of actively trying to live a healthier, more meaningful life. Though life might seem easy when documenting it behind a computer or a phone, I have learned within this first week of trying my hardest – walls built in your path and you will need to climb over them.
As one blogger perfectly summed up my situation this morning on Instagram (sorry I forgot who but will try to credit), “I am the product of a divorced family and suffer from anxiety”. The anxiety comes from not having a stable living situation, it comes from trying to please everyone around you, and it comes from not knowing what your future may be.
I have been the girl who used that anxiety about the future as a crutch to keep going, to motivate myself. And it worked. I was able to work my way through high school with awesome grades and getting my minor done before reaching college. Had multiple jobs and internships under my belt while studying for a business degree and now I am getting my masters in digital media. But during all those experiences, including going back to school now, is that I am unable to enjoy myself in the moment because I am constantly trying to plan my next move to better my future. I even failed a class because I was too busy day dreaming about the future I want to have rather than being mindful of my assignments. Who does that? That’s when I realized (okay in all honestly broke down) that I need to make a change.
No more worrying if I am going to be able to keep up a long distance relationship for another year, 2 years, 10 years. No more worrying about making enough money to make myself feel beautiful (heck yes I still want to get this bump in my nose removed). No more worrying about my family and if I’ll be able to move closer to them. I’m through with it.
I am making my day more meaningful. I am taking walks for my breaks – looking at my phone less, enjoying Boston and my life for what it is right now. I am choosing to take care of my body – great makeup only did so much. I am no longer comparing myself to others – grass might look greener on the other side but it also might just be full of shit.
Aside from my mental health, I have been punching through walls in terms of my physical health. During the very beginning of the week, I was suffering from terrible side effects from an anxiety medication I was trying out. If you want to know how I was really doing you can read my first and really disjointed post here. As soon as I stopped taking the medication, I decided to kick this whole lifestyle change into gear. I have always heard of buzz words like “paleo”, “clean eating”, “Keto”, blah blah blah. Those diets mean nothing if you don’t commit not only to changing your diet but changing your body and mind at the same time. Though let’s not get too far ahead of ourselves, its not perfect. As one of my favorite Youtuber’s said and I whole heartedly am following in a similar path, I am “listening to my body”.
I have cut down on the carbs (of course I allow myself something if I am truly craving it) while upping the good fats, had no alcohol to excess, stick to drinking water regularly, limiting the dairy and absolutely investing time and money into wholesome, unadulterated food.
I am already seeing results in several ways: I’m more positive, I don’t have those mid day crashes as bad, my stomach bloat has gone down significantly, my muscles are popping and my skin is starting to clear up. All be