Check out My Depression Journey. I mention briefly my struggles of how my depression lead to Trichotillomania.
You may have come to this page either from searching Trichotillomania or just have a curiosity for all things medical (such as myself). I am not a medical expert, I am not a psychologist; what I am is a person with real struggles who finally decided to open to others. If I can provide an ounce of help to anyone, why not?
From around the age of 5 I dealt with depression. I was eventually diagnosed when I was in my 20’s. Early childhood and adulthood were the times when my depression sucked the literal life out of me; there were no light, no hope, or dreams. Instead, there was hard work, thinking if I just worked hard enough, I would be able to leave all my stresses behind. At the age of 5 is when my parents started their grueling divorce. I was often times witness to fights and the pawn of manipulation. I personally have always been hyper aware of my emotions and knew from a young age what I was feeling wasn’t normal. With trucking back between homes, feeling completely uncomfortable in my environment, and stressed between protecting my younger sister too anxious about what we would be subjected to next, I had developed Trichotillomania.
Trichotillomania is a coping disorder in which a person rips out their hair from a specific place on their body; was was my eyebrows and top of my scalp. It can develop in early childhood and either last for a short period of time, or the duration of a person’s life. It is usually implusive, irresistable and used to soothe oneself from stress.
My stress was caused my rapidly changing environment and pressure to satisfy both parents’ expectations. I remember when riding in the house from one house to another, I was feeling my scalp tingle and my hands become magnets. When someone says they’re so stress they are ripping their hair out, I know that feeling all too well. My once thick eyebrows become uneven sticks above my eyes and my scalp developed a barron crater among the curls. As it progressed, friends and family began to notice.
“Why are you doing this to yourself?”
“Why your eyebrows so weird?”
“You have a bald spot.”
Everytime someone mentioned those words to me, I just pulled my hair even more. To this day I still struggle with Trichotillomania but not as I did as a child. Instead of pulling my hair, I cherish it and take care of it. I now moisturize, brush, and protect my curls. I now get my eyebrows professionally threaded and let them grow (which also meant banishing the tweezers from my makeup bag). I practice self care, self love, and self acceptance even in the face of my depression and anxiety. Though yes, I always feel that tingling sensation especially during a stressful time, I know that with focus and love I can over come anything.
If you are suffering from anxiety, depression, or Trichotillomania, I highly suggest seeking a professional. But if you would like to message me about your struggle, my email is firstname.lastname@example.org.
No one has to suffer alone.
If you would like to read more on Trichotillomania, please find the following resources, articles, and videos below: